Desire of my heart

Alright guys, ever since I posted the blog about "dating" I've had several friends approach me and voice their opinion on the matter even though I never asked for it. I dont mean to be rude, but my blog is not a place where people can read about whats going on in my life and criticize it as if it were their own. I've been extremely open and vulnerable when writing my entries and if you disagree with what I have to say or how I'm feel regarding something, then by all means dont read it. When in came to the "dating" blog, I wrote it after a long and frustrating night and as a result my thoughts were quite raw, emotional, and jumbled... but also completely honest. Unfortunately, due to the negative response I received I removed the entry from my blog out of annoyance. For those of you who didnt have the opportunity to read it, I basically just took a moment to vent my frustration with dating and my desire to simply find the man God has for me and settle down into marriage and family life. I realize that not everyone shares my desire to get married at a young age, but just because I dont want to be single until I'm 30, doesnt mean I dont know how to be alone, or that I'm discontent with the life I have. God places different desires on different hearts... mine is to get married young and have a family, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Maybe I seem overly anxious in wanting to do so, but to be honest I am anxious for that to happen. I know God has a plan for my life, and if He doesnt want me to meet someone until I'm much older, thats ok with me because I know God knows best, but I dont appreciate being told by friends that I'm being ridiculous for wanting what I want. This little incident almost made me want to stop blogging, but thanks to my wonderful sister's advice, I've realized that doing so would be allowing the negative responses I received to get to me... and that simply is NOT going to happen! I refuse to make apologies for who I am.

"...As we grow older, our desire matured into a longing to be pursued, desired, and wanted as a woman. 'Why am I so embarassed by the depth of my desire for this?' asked a young friend just the other day. We were talking about her life as a single woman, and how she loves her work but would much rather be married. Your a woman, there is nothing wrong with this. As some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced."

~Captivating by Stasi Eldridge

A Day of Prayer

Well today is the day all Christians have been dreading.... the presidential inauguration of Barack Obama. I, of course, have no idea what is in store for this nation over the next four years, but to be honest I'm afraid for what Obama has in store for us, which is why I've decided to spend the day in prayer for Him and this nation. Please join me in doing so as he takes office.

"I am confidant that the Almighty has his plans and will work them out, and whether we see it or not they will be the best for us"

~Abraham Lincoln

Not Me Monday

All you bloggers out there have probably already heard of a little thing called "Not Me" Monday, which was originally started by a young mother who sought to use her blog as an inspiration to all mothers and women of the world. "Not Me" Monday is basically and fun and silly way to deny all the things we've done that day and make lite of the complicated and harry lives we lead as women. So here it goes, my first "Not Me" Monday blog.... enjoy!

1. This morning I DID NOT hit my snooze button until 30 min before I had to leave for work. And I certainly DID NOT skip my shower and opt for a greasy ponytail instead. That would be gross... NOT ME!


2. I DID NOT vent to my boss for 40 minuets this morning about the stress I'm under regarding school, money, and life in general. I would NEVER do something like that... why its unprofessional!


3. While grocery shopping with Brookie this afternoon, I DID NOT open a bag of un-paid for Cheetos and a chocolate milk for her to snack on just so I could shop in peace. And I DID NOT sample a couple grapes in the produce isle just because I was starving.


4. I DID NOT get all showered and dressed before walking my dog this evening just in case I would run into any cute guys in my apartment complex walking their dogs... thats just ridiculous!


5. I DID NOT dance around my apartment to the All American Rejects song "Gives Me Hell" while making dinner tonight.... only to realize that my slider blinds were open and my lovely neighbors across the way were watching me... how embarrassing, its just NOT something I would do.
6. Finally, I AM NOT sitting here typing this blog in the middle of my living room that is still fully decorated for Christmas... tree and all!

What is it you DID NOT do today? Join in on the fun of "Not Me" Monday! :-)

My Messy Fun Life....

I'm just about to turn 21 and as I look back on my life, I cant help but be proud of who I've become. My life is far from perfect, but I love it regardless. I'm messy, unorganized, irresponsible, loud, opinionated, independent, outspoken, impatient, and easily annoyed. Sure there are areas in my life which could use some improvement... but who couldnt right? I no longer let others expectations of me rule who I become. I'm done trying to fit into somebody elses idea of "perfection", after all no one's life is perfect. Ask anyone and they'd tell you that I'd be the first to own up to, accept, and whole-heartedly love my flaws! It was actually my eating disorder that taught me to be genuinly and authentically myself in each and every area of my life. Believe it or not it was my anorexia that taught me to let go of my need for perefection, my need for approval, and my need for acceptance. I've also learned to let go of that ever elusive inner critic, and enjoy my messy and utterly unorganized life for what it is. I'm scatterbrained and cooky, creative and spontaneous, and always in search of new ways to enjoy the woman I'm becoming.

I no longer feel anxious when I look at my messy room. And although I know I must eventually clean it before it over takes me life, I've learned to take a moment before embarking on that journey, to embrace the mess before I clean it up. What do I mean by that? I mean I turn on the music and dance like mad admist the clutter and crap. I dig deep to find the child within and enjoy that carefree spirit for a brief moment in my life. Have you ever met a little girl who spent her days cleaning, organizing, and making to-do lists? NO WAY! Little girls put on their best bobbles and highest heals and they simply dance and twirl the day away. Now thats not to say that as adults we can live our whole lives with the attitude of a child, but regardless of your age that little girl will forever live inside you dying to be let out on occassion. I look at my niece and envy her carefree nature and ability to put the world aside and simply play. When was the last time you played? Whatever your quirks may be, enjoy them dont fight them... life it too short.

( Thank you Kelley for being my inspiration! I love your free, life loving, adventutors, and beautiful spirit!! I admire your willingness and ability to embrace who you've become... quirks and all. Coffee with you this morning was a wonderful way to start my day. )

I'll be preaching this till I'm blue in the face :-)

I have a challenge for you today.... Lets try to love and celebrate our bodies just as they are. I know this is a struggle for women across the nation, but doesnt every girl deserve to feel beautiful regardless of her size? Join me today in saying "NO MORE". No more fighting our bodies into a size 2, no more living on diet fads and misconceptions, no more comparing our bodies to models and celebrities, no more exercising to "firm" this or "tighten" that, no more calorie counting or scale watching, no more envying the Victoria Secret models, no more diet pill or cellulite zapping cream, no more bad body talk, no more zero calorie drinks or artificial sweeteners, no more plastic surgery...... NO MORE!!! These are the very things that are keeping women today bound in body shame, bound in endless dissatisfaction, and bound and tied exactly where Satan wants us. I dont know about you, but count me OUT! I encourage you to choose to love your body instead of hate it. Accept your shape rather than try to change it. Celebrate your uniqueness.... celebrate your cellulite, your flaws, and all your imperfections, after all that's what makes you YOU! The Lord gave you a body to love and enjoy as you make your way through life, dont waste that precious gift. Dont let Satan win... take back your body and love it just as the Lord loves it.

Dance it off!

Ever have one of those days where nothing in particular goes wrong yet somehow you just feel a bit off? About once a month I have one of those very days... I guess you could call it pre-menstrual... but I call it crappy. Today happen to be one of those glorious days. I awoke this morning to the wonderful world of bloating. UGH! Nothing fit, and I mean NOTHING. After standing in my underwear lamenting over what to wear for nearly an hour, I finally resorted to wearing a dress... although the darn thing felt much more like a huge paper bag, but praise the Lord I was at least clothed. The day preceded on with no specific horrifying events, but that looming feeling of gloom remained present. Every stress in my life somehow seemed bigger and more taunting than before. I felt torn between wanting to be alone and needing to be near family. After a couple hours of visiting at my parents house, I felt this overwhelming need to be alone. As Tirzah and I drove back to my apartment, the stresses of life played over and over in my mind like a record player. Tears began to stream down my face. As I parked my jeep in the car portal, I just sat in my car contemplating my next move. "Ok Emily come on... one foot in front of the other. Life is not as bad as it seems right now... just keep moving." Call me crazy, but I had absolutely no idea what to do with myself at that very moment. In previous years I would have done one of two things... handled my problems with food (or lack there of) and focus all my attention on my "horrific body" when really my body had nothing to do with why I was so upset, or I would have had a complete and utter meltdown...tears and snot included. As I entered my apartment a thought drifted into my mind... dance it off. Now I realize I probably looked like a complete nut case, but I knew just what needed to be done. I changed into the cutest most girly nightgown I owned, grabbed a plastic spoon, blasted Katy Perry throughout my entire apartment, and proceeded to dance and sing at the top of my lungs! Tirzah just stared at me as if I had totally lost it, but it was honestly the most fun I'd had in a very long time. After about 20 min straight of dancing like an idiot, I collapsed onto my bed sweating in utter exhaustion... but I felt GREAT! I wasnt sad and frustrated anymore, instead I was invigorated. I realize that dancing cant solve the problems of the world, but wouldnt it be great if it could? How fun would that be if life was just one big dance party? Next time your feeling BLAH turn up the toons and dance away your worries... there really is nothing like it.

Psalm 30:11

"He turns our mourning into dancing!"

New Years Resolution 2009

Well its official, yet another year has begun. For the past few days I've been mulling over exactly what my new years resolutions should be for 2009.... unfortunately I seem to experiencing a brain block. I cant tell you how sick I am of hearing the oh so typical resolutions like "lose weight", "be happier", or "make more money". I knew that if I was going to make any kind of resolution this year, it would be one that truly mattered, one that would challenge me, change me, and shape me further into the woman of God that I so desperately desire to be. Even more so, I didnt want to make a resolution that I simply wouldn't keep. This morning as Tirzah and I took our routine walk around the neighborhood, I began to go through a mental list of possible resolutions.... and by the end of our walk I found myself no closer to an idea than when I had begun. As I flopped frustratingly down onto my living room couch, I spied a new book I bought over Christmas sitting over on my shelf just staring at me. I finally gave into the curiosity, picked up the tiny little book entitled "YOU! God's Brand-New Idea... Made to be Amazing" by Max Lucado, and started flipping through the pages. Then I saw it, there on page 35 lied a passage that immediately spoke to my heart.

Galations 6:4-5 (The Message)

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

While it may not be your typical new years resolution, I knew when I read it that I had found my goal for 2009. I want to make a commitment to explore myself this year and truly get to know who God created me to be and His purpose for my life. I want to dedicate myself to becoming my creative best, while nurturing my talents and gifts without comparing myself to others. To be honest, I have no idea just what pursuing this goal will look like, but I've committed it to prayer, confidant that the Lord will show me how to go about it. Wish me luck on my new pursuit!! :-)

Gift of Friendship

Isnt it funny how some of the best things in life aren't actually "things" at all? I have to say, God has blessed my life with a wonderful family and amazing opportunities, but He truely out did Himself when He brought my girlfriends into my life. These girls arent just any ordinary friends, they're the type of friends who know what your thinking with just one glance, who give of themselves without expecting anything in return, who take the time to pray with you when life seems unbearable, who laugh and giggle like there's no tomorrow, and who love you unconditionally no matter what is it your facing in life. Not only do my girlfriends know me better than I know myself sometimes, but they love me despite the extreme ups and downs I have endured these past few years. We can go weeks or even months without having the time to speak with one another, and yet we all have the ability to pick right up where we left off the moment we reconnect. I love you Kayla, Lauren, and Becca... you three are amazing women who I feel blessed to know!