Ok so its 11:30pm right now and I cant sleep! Ugh insomnia can be frustrating sometimes. Anyway, I was lying in bed thinking about where I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually a year ago today, and it suddenly hit me.... I'm finally ok. For the first time in what has felt like a lifetime, I'm finally ok with who I am. I no longer have a never ending list of things I want to change about myself. I've learned to not only accept who I am, but love who I am. Thats right, I actually love my short temper, my procrastination, my cluttered car, my impossible hair, my celulite thighs, my perfectionist nature, my short frame, my big feet, my crooked bottom teeth, my autoimmune disease, my nail bitting habit, my forgetfulness, my bodies curves, and my big butt. Yep you read that right... I love all thoes things. I love them not because I have to or because I've simply resigned myself to, but rather because God gave me thoes qualities.... and thats precisly what makes me unique. Its amazing what God can do with a broken life when you allow Him to heal it. Not too long ago I wasn't simply a cracked pot.... oh no, I was shattered into a million little pieces. But God is so good. I dont care what anyone says, I truely believe God is still in the miracle making business! Anyway, once I found myself on the mend, the Lord lit a firey passion within me. A passion to share my story and be an example to girls and women who have found themselves in the depths of self hatred whether it be through low self esteem, an eating disorder, or the never ending body image issues we all face as women. There is hope. Every woman can live a free life... and every woman deserves a free life. We dont have to be bound by shame any longer. It reminds me of a passage from my favorite book Captivating,
"I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone."
Its easy to love the things that are "pretty" about you, and measure up to societies standards... but I challenge you to start loving what you hate most about yourself. This can be a daunting task, but ask God to help you love. You'll be amazed how a little of God's love can free you up immensely.