Thursday, June 4, 2009

One Year Ago

With all the hustle and bustle of life lately, I realized my one year anniversary of finishing treatment has come and gone without me even noticing. This last April was officially one year since I graduated from the eating disorder treatment center Healthy Within. I suppose it slipped my mind simply because it feels as if it was a lifetime ago. I look back now at the broken shell of a girl I used to be, and I dont even recognize her. What an amazing work the Lord has done in my life. Not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of my past struggle with anorexia. Its strange, even though I'm in recovery and happier than I've ever been, my eating disorder past is not easily erased. Perhaps because each day I'm forced to face what used to be my enemy (food), or maybe its because the pain I felt ran so deep not even time could fill what used to be. Regardless, I continue to wake each morning and remember. I remember every detail, every ache, every pain, and every life I affected.
But today I celebrate my freedom. I celebrate in the fact that I no longer measure food, count calories, weigh myself, or live on diet soda. I dont care about the size of my pants or if my stomach is slightly bloated. I dont freak out when offered carbs or sweet treats. I dont avoid food and social gatherings like the plague. I dont read fitness magazines or celebrity diet tricks. Above all I've learned to accept that each body is made to look different. I've embraced the fact that my body is continually changing, choosing to love my flaws instead of trying to change them.
Sure, I have my difficult days. Days when I wake up and wish I could change everything about myself, but then I glance down at my ankle and see my tattoo and I'm reminded once again that I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Here's a picture of my tattoo for those of you who haven't seen it. Please forgive the angle and quality of the photo, I just snapped it myself and trying to take a picture of my own ankle was no easy task.


For those of you who read my sister's comment and wondered what she's talking about in her reference to my tattoo artist using spell check, its a bit of a long explanation. So in an attempt to make a long story short, my tattoo artist made the mistake everyone fears... he misspelled my tattoo! According to proper grammar, the book is supposed to be spelled "Psalm" not "Psalms". Surprisingly, I wasnt upset or angry when he made the boo boo, instead I chose to see it as a beautiful representation of who I am.... imperfect yet still beautiful in God's eyes.


Bri and John said...

Beautiful! Did your tattoo artist use spell check?....hee hee You know I love you! Tattoo and all!

PS- am I spelling tattoo wrong? oh well.

Mom said...

Emily, I can't believe it's been one year already also. I am soooo proud of you and grateful to the Lord for the amazing healing and transformation that occured over the last 2 years in your life. As you've learned over the last year, who are we to demean or insult God's masterpeice?? You , my sweet little Emily are one of His greatest masterpieces. I love you babydoll.